Soul Searching Time...

Our church is a few days into our annual Daniel Fast. It is a 21-day fast based on the book of Daniel in the Bible (Daniel 9:3 and 10:2-3). It is a time of seeking the Lord, of desiring to take on ‘spiritual food’ instead of physical food. By spiritual food I mean more time spent reading God’s word, more time communicating with Him through prayer, making sure He is priority number one. It is a soul searching time. I’m reminded of Psalm 139:23 which says: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”. Also I have been thinking of Psalm 19 which ends with this verse: “Let the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer”.

I remember a story I wrote a few years ago after another soul searching time. It came to my mind today as I am asking God to search my heart once again during this time of fasting. I thought I would share it with you dear readers. Here it is:

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What a beautiful day!  The maiden decided to get away by herself and think, and so she ventured out to explore the fields and wooded areas surrounding the village.  “Ah, if only He was near”, she thought.  As she started down a sun-lit forest trail, the very one in whom her soul delighted came and walked beside her.  As was his way, there was no rush for words.  Just his presence was enough to enliven and energize her.  Whenever she looked into his eyes she saw sheer joy, strength and love, LIFE, but today she also noticed a look of fierceness that she would understand better as the afternoon wore on.

As they walked he pointed out a meandering stream that ran along parallel to the path they were on.  He remarked that the stream was once, not so long ago, a swift flowing river.  She knew him well enough by now to know that he never engaged in idle talk but that he had something important to impart to her.  Therefore, she was intrigued by his remark.  They walked on.  She began to wonder what had happened to stop the flow of water.  Then they came upon a beaver dam.  “Ah”, she thought.  “So this is what stopped the flow”.  The beavers were busy closing up the last little breach on the opposite side.  My how hard those beavers worked!

After standing in silence for a while, watching, he asked “Have you noticed what the beavers are building with?”  “Why, yes Lord” she replied, “wood and small sticks; branches and leaves”.  “Have you noticed how strong the dam is, that it is able to hold back the force of the river?” 

It was then she understood that the fierceness in his gaze was the fierceness of his love.  This fierce love was ready to confront, with the revealing of his truth, any obstacle in the hearts of his own, that would prevent them from receiving his love, prevent the flowing of rivers of living water from their innermost being, no matter how much pain it initially caused.

You see, her heart had been heavy lately.  She had allowed small things to cloud her heart – sticks, leaves and branches.  She saw now that the precious river of life flowing in her own being was in danger of being stopped up by the seeds of stress, worry, unforgiveness and bitterness that had taken root and germinated; all of them still small, but together being compacted into an impenetrable wall.  Looking into her Master’s eyes she understood and was grieved by her sin, the sin that was threatening to block the flow between her heart and the heart of her beloved.  She was ashamed.

“Yes Lord”, she whispered, “I will remove these sticks, leaves and branches from my heart.  I choose to forgive, I choose to keep no record of wrong, I choose to love with your love, to be merciful and kind.  Wash over me and I will be clean.  Restore me and remove my shame.”

As the maiden returned to the village her heart was free.  From then on, whenever she walked by a stream or a river, she stopped to take account of her own soul, to see if there was any build-up of debris.  She wanted nothing to prevent her from walking freely in the Spirit, nothing that would prevent the flow of the river of the Shepherd’s love through her to those who were yet in need of His grace.

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What have you allowed to build up in your heart? Why not ask God to search your heart also.